The Spirit is Willing, but the Flesh Needs a Job

16 09 2014 is great for a lot of things other than just social events. I found a group of queer Christians last summer (but alas, the Hella Holy Hoppers group seems to now be defunct), and more recently I found the LGBTQ Career Network. This group hosts meetups for MGRSI persons looking for work. There’s just a couple of problems with their primary meetup times.

  1. The Tuesday morning Job Club conflicts with the weekly chapel service at my seminary.
  2. The Thursday evening interview coaching and résumé boot camp conflicts with my coven’s meeting night.

I really want to attend chapel and coven night. But at the same time, faith alone won’t pay the rent. It’s a bit funny because this semester I’m taking a course about spiritual practice, and for the time being I feel that I need to be a little more focused on my job search rather than attending these things. I can make exceptions occasionally, and I probably will.

But for this point in time, while the spirit is willing the flesh needs a job.

Reblogging: Religion and Asexuality Overview

12 09 2014

I’ve been following the Ace Theist’s blog for some time now, and it’s been a truly educational experience. What follows is a masterpost of sorts.

Writing Prompt: Hiding in the Light

8 09 2014

Toward the end of orientation at seminary, I attended a workshop about writing as a spiritual practice. One of the phrases that stayed in my mind was:

Hiding In The Light

This is a great way to describe at least part of the trans experience. We can be everywhere, and yet we might not be seen. Or, we might not be seen for who we truly are. It can be even worse for those who have a non-binary gender identity.

The phrase “hiding in the light” can also be a great way to describe what it’s like to have key parts of one’s identity erased. Yes, I see much online as people try to address such issues as bisexual erasure, asexual erasure, aromantic erasure. But not so much for pansexual/panromantic erasure, demisexual/demiromantic erasure. The list can go on.

So, I issue this writing prompt not only for myself, but for all other persons who feel that significant parts of their lives are not seen or recognized by others, even as we live them on a daily basis.

Identity and Call

7 09 2014

Before worship this morning was a meeting of the In Discernment committee at the Congregational Church of San Mateo. In this meeting, the other two seminarians and I gave brief talks about what led to our calls. The three of us gave condensed histories of our religious and secular lives as they led to us applying to seminary.

It’s no surprise to me that my gender identity as well as my romantic and sexual orientations greatly inform my own faith journey. But it was during worship itself that I was able to more completely understand why. One of the scripture readings was from a non-canonical text, the Gospel of Thomas:

Jesus said, “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth was is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”

My gender identity and my romantic and sexual orientation are very important aspects of my being. My transition set in motion the various situations that led to this point in my life. So, it seems safe to say that my gender identiy, romantic orientation, sexual orientation, and my call to ministry are inextricably linked.

It seems I now have a little more clarity for when I go before Committee A.


29 08 2014

A friend told me today that she was so glad I’m pro-ally. This friend is also under the rainbow, but is cisgender.

To me, this says something very negative about the trans communities. My cis allies, queer and straight alike, were there for me when I was close, closer than I’ve ever been, to suicide. It was my cis allies, not my trans peers, who were there for me.

Why is there so much hate for those who love us?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:

I love my allies. GOD bless allies.

New podcast episode: Tom Boy Trans Girl

29 08 2014


Kids often have things to teach their parents.

Originally posted on gendermom:

Xena battles a Sculpey Monster.

Xena battles Sculpey monster.

Hi friends.  I’ve posted Episode 4 of my podcast, “How to Be a Girl.”

The episode, “Tom Boy Trans Girl,” explores what it means to be a transgender girl who isn’t completely “girlie.”  It grew out of my reaction to M. starting to express less interest in princesses and pink, and more interest in “boy” stuff like ninjas and Pokémon.

Check it out if you want to hear M. pretending to be Xena, Warrior Princess.  You will also be introduced to her own super-hero alter-ego: Acrobat Girl! 

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Shifting Sense of Identity

22 08 2014

As I start seminary, I’ll be spending most of my “home” time in a dorm room on campus. My official home is still in San Mateo, but I’m moving out little by little.

At the campus, I was originally supposed to have a room in a 3-bedroom suite. I’d share a living room and bathroom with two other women. Or rather, I’d be sharing those with two women. Housing in Arch is grouped by gender. As I’m legally female I’d be in a suite for women. But when I learned that a single room would be available in Benton, I opted for that. Yeah, it would mean sharing a communal bathroom down the hall with the others on my floor, but that seemed easier to deal with for me.

And I wondered at that. Was it my introversion exerting itself? Only partially. The main reason was gender, and I think I’ve made an important discovery about myself.

I am not a woman. I am a trans woman.

I found that I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of sharing a 3-bedroom suite with women, even though that would’ve been vastly preferable to sharing such lodgings with men. The closest to gender neutral housing at PSR are the single dorm rooms in Benton Hall. I’m not gender neutral. I’m gaining a better understanding for what it might mean to be non-binary. I exist within the binary of male-to-female, but even if I’m able to transition I still won’t be able or inclined to deny my history. I am, and will remain, trans.

Even as I mulled these thoughts over, I saw the following blog post by Gender Mom in which she discusses the difference between her daughter, M, and other girls. People like M and I are different, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Not all trans persons I’ve encountered are comfortable with publicly embracing this difference. I know MTFs who identify solely as women and FTMs who identify as solely as men. But for my part, I’m finding that I can’t really claim the identity as woman. Not now, at least. I seem to go in cycles about this in that regard.

Yeah, it hurts when people use pronouns like he, him, his, and himself to refer to me. Usually it’s accidental, and I understand that. It’s still possible to hurt people by accident though. And while I’m fully comfortable with pronouns like she, her, hers and herself I still feel like it’s necessary for my peace of mind to identify as a trans woman rather than as a woman.

That is my choice, and that’s how I’ll identify.

For now.


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